Do you fear being alone? Do you say yes when you mean no? Do you have difficulty expressing yourself, thoughts and feelings? How many times have you put yourself second to someone else needs? Do you struggle with accepting responsibility for other’s feelings or action? If you said yes to any of these questions, then you could have codependent tendencies.
Codependency is a strong desire to please others, consistently putting the needs of others before yours. Lost touch with who they are as an individual.
Let’s take a closer look into what codependence is.
Codependency has many facets. Co-dependency is much broader. It can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore. Your mood, happiness is identified by the person. It’s an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individuals ability to have a healthy mutual satisfying relationship. Where one person enables or supports another person’s addictions, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility or under achievements. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves and more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.
Here is a few signs of codependency, including excessive care taking, controlling and preoccupation with people and things outside of ourselves.
Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship
Having difficulty communicating in a relationship
Valuing the approval of the others more than valuing yourself
Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
Having fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
The fear of being alone
Having an unhealthy dependence on relationships even at your costs
I have been where you are. I have seen those days of putting others before my needs, not speaking up for myself, and allowing others to put my needs second.
My journey began when I realized I had 2 failed marriages and friendships that weren’t honest due to codependent behaviors. I grew up with a special need brother. Throughout my young years, my brother was the focus in my mother’s life. She was involved in his school activities and charities to raise money for his school. I always felt, especially as I grew into my teenage years, that I needed to be the perfect one, perfectionism and fear of failure stayed evident in my mind. I always felt I fell short of this false believe. So, I believe this is where my codependency began.
My turning point began when I knew I needed to make changes in my life, personal, and spiritual. I was in a marriage that became more and more manipulative and obsessive due to his infidelity. I went to a counselor to help me overcome these codependent tendencies. She gave me the tools I needed to change my thinking and impression of myself.
I knew it was time that I worked on myself. I focused on myself for a change. I became involved in a spiritual group where I became strong in myself with the help of the Divine. I discovered my gifts and found myself.
Now, it's my desire to help you find yourself and be the best version of you possible. That's why I developed this program so I can help you get to the other side.
Phase 1: Why do I say Yes, When I mean No?
First, we will determine how codependency is showing up in your life, so we can come up with strategies for how you can start shifting your thoughts and behaviors – or start showing up differently in your relationships. We will identify when the pattern began. Usually it began in childhood. Sometimes identifying the start of the pattern can help unravel it.
The goal in healing from codependency is to start building a trusting, loving relationship with yourself. This is a process that takes time but be well worth your effort. I will give you homework assignments, meditations and journaling assignments to help you through this self-love journey.
Determine how codependency is showing up in your life so you can start shifting it!
Identify when your codependent behavior began so you can unravel it once and for all.
Learn relaxation techniques to reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and anger.
Learn how to embrace positivity in your life
Phase 2: Getting to Know Yourself Again
In phase 2, it’s time to start getting to know yourself again. The whole focus in this phase is about your becoming more comfortable in your own skin. You will begin rediscovering what gives you joy and pleasure. You will learn what it looks like to spend quality time with yourself. I will give you exercises and hold you accountable. We will also start building the muscle of saying NO.You will learn that you are capable of saying “no”. Together we will practice being true to ourselves and to set safe comfortable boundaries. And to feel good about saying no. We will practice this together through role playing and take baby steps if we need to.
I will introduce you to resources to help you between sessions to expand your growth.
Start becoming more comfortable in your own skin so you can be confident in yourself and comfortable with the decisions you make without regrets.
Reclaim your own joy so you can feel happy with being with yourself.
Start spending quality time with yourself and actually enjoy it.
Build your saying NO muscles with role play and baby steps.
Phase 3: Bring My Focus Back to Me
In phase 3, we will start developing self-love, self-trust and self-respect. Now that we’ve discovered what you enjoy, it’s time to start focusing on yourself again. Turning the focus towards yourself is not being selfish.
It's important that when you find yourself focusing on a particular person or place, to take the focus off of the unneeded, unwanted, thought patterns.Sometimes not being aware of ourselves can be challenging because others see what we won’t see and won’t admit in ourselves and our behavior. I can remember a friend of mine expressing these tendencies where her boyfriend is concerned. She would checkup on him, and be angry when he didn’t check in with her. She needed to know his every move. She would also do things for him like cook him meals in an attempt to spend time with him. She took her focus so far off herself, that their relationship suffered because she was no longer the person he thought she was. She would almost stalk him to know what he was doing. This is a classic case of codependency.
You will learn tools to strengthen your focus and bring it back to yourself and your own life. You will learn to live you life in the NOW instead of worrying about what others are doing.
You will learn a step-by-step approach to putting yourself in a positive frame of mind that will carry you throughout your day. We will identify the negative thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you from loving yourself more fully.
Learn how to shift negative belief patterns in their tracks!
Learn a step-by-step approach to living in your power.
Learn to live in the present moment, not worried about the future or the past.
Learn to bring the focus on yourself so you can start living life on your own terms.
Phase 4: Boundaries & Developing Personal Space
In phase 4, we will look at who you need to set boundaries with. Learning to set boundaries isn’t easy but with the proper tools and support it can be achieved and even enjoyed. Having clear and solid boundaries is a sign of respect towards yourself.
We must detach from anything, anywhere, and anyone that does not serve our greater good. Have you ever told someone you were attached to them? Maybe obsessed.
Detachment is releasing or detaching from a person or problem, in love. We mentally, emotionally and maybe physically disengage ourselves from another’s problems, life responsibility. We can’t fix others to the detriment of ourselves. We must Let Go.
Learn who and what you need to set boundaries with so you can feel safe and respected.
Receive support in setting boundaries!
Learn how to safely detach from what is no longer serving you so you can create the life that you have dreamed of.
Learn the power of letting go and feel secure being independent in your life.
This program will create positive reinforcement for change. You will increase your awareness of self, start loving and honoring yourself and taking care of yourself in ways you have long avoided. It's about healing and integrating the parts of yourself that have been lost and need your attention.
You ARE worthy of all the best life has for you. Over the course of this program, you will learn to be a strong, independent and self-sufficient person.
It’s time to focus on yourself and let go.
If your ready to:
conquer your fears
value yourself rather than looking for the approval of others
trust yourself and have a solid sense of self-esteem
be confident and comfortable being by yourself
to set goals and create the changes you deserve
Contact me today for a free discovery session so we can assess how codependency may be running your life. We will map out strategies for how you can start shifting your thoughts, behaviors and relationships. Let's get started on your journey of self-discovery.