The first time I tried tapping I thought, “what’s this all about!” As I began to tap, I have to admit it felt weird tapping on the outside karate chop area of my hand. The truth is, I really didn’t understand the importance of tapping and to do it properly. There is a method and pattern to this amazing healing modality. Let’s explore this a little together.
The origin of the highly effective self-help method known as meridian tapping is ancient, but its modern forms are what are addressed on this website. Of these, TFT and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) are the most well known at present and are currently used worldwide by hundreds of thousands of people.
The meridian tapping methods have a venerable “family tree.” Their origins lie in ancient Chinese medicine with the development of acupuncture, a healing technique that uses needles the “energy meridians” or energy pathways, a term used by practitioners of this method down through the ages.
Ancient healing practitioners refined their skills over many centuries and of course acupuncture is widely used today, especially in Eastern countries. It is also recognized by Western medicine for its use for anesthesia in hospital settings.
It is important to realize, however, that acupuncture was not developed to treat emotional problems, but rather physical ones. Although occasionally a practitioner will use it today to relax a patient or to relieve severe anxiety, acupuncture does not have a systematic way of applying this method for emotional problems. In other words, traditionally acupuncture and acupressure are not viewed as psychological treatments so to say.
The development of “emotional acupuncture”, as the tapping methods are sometimes referred to, was indirectly assisted by Dr. George Goodheart, a well-known chiropractor in the United States who founded a branch of chiropractic based upon a precise method of testing the body for information about its own needs.
Goodheart had learned about acupuncture in 1962 from reading an interesting book written by the president of the Acupuncture Society in Britain. He was intrigued with the possibilities it promised for his own practice. He then studied acupuncture and soon introduced it into his own work as one of the bases of a new method he was developing called Applied Kinesiology (which uses muscle testing to determine the appropriateness of any form of treatment).
Substituting simple manual pressure for the acupuncture needles, he found that he could obtain the same beneficial results by simply applying manual pressure to the acupuncture points, or by “percussing” or “tapping” on them; an advance which made this acupuncture-derived method accessible to many more people, since it was non-threatening and non-invasive.
Building on the work of Goodheart, in the 1970’s an Australian psychiatrist by the name of John Diamond, M.D., took this discovery a step further by creating a variation of it which he called “Behavioral Kinesiology”. This derivative of Goodheart’s method added an interesting component. Diamond used affirmations (positive self-statements or thoughts) when the person was contacting selected acupuncture points, and did this specifically to treat emotional problems. His innovative departure in this respect foreshadowed the later development of the “meridian-based therapies” and Energy Psychology, in the forefront of which we find Meridian Tapping, including EFT and TFT, today.
Another significant study was conducted by Dr. Dawson Church, one of the world’s leading experts on energy psychology, and an EFT master in his own right. His study set out to determine how an hour-long tapping session would impact the cortisol levels of 83 subjects. For the sake of comparison, he also measured the cortisol levels of people who received traditional talk therapy, as well as the cortisol levels of those who received no treatment at all.
The results were fascinating. The average cortisol reduction of those who experienced an EFT Tapping session was 24%, and even hit as high as 50% in some subjects. On the other hand, people who experienced traditional talk therapy or no treatment at all didn’t experience any significant cortisol reduction. In other words, they were just as stressed at the end of it all while those who tried tapping walked out with significantly less stress!
This is but a handful of the research being conducted on EFT. These days, it seems as if a year doesn’t pass without the emergence of some great new science-based insight into why this technique is so very effective. It’s forcing naysayers to stand up, pay attention, and reconsider their disbelief about this wondrous modality.
Two of the leading lights in this field of research are the aforementioned Dr. Dawson Church and Dr. David Feinstein. They’ve made presentations at a number of our events, including the 2013 Tapping World Summit. In the months to come, we’ll also be providing you with a great deal more information on the exciting new research that’s emerging. As these studies come to the forefront, it will become apparent to any remaining doubters that EFT Tapping not only works, but also that it is in fact on the very edge of the future of healing.
Tapping helps to peel the layers of our stress and get to the root or core of the problems and replace those negative thoughts with positive life changing thoughts that provide lasting results.
Tapping is a powerful tool for improving your life on many levels, mental, emotional, and physical. It has been proven to effectively address a range of issues such as anxiety, stress, chronic pain, addictions, fears and phobias, and weight control management as well as financial abundance and stress relief and more.
This amazing technique is based on the principles of both ancient acupressure and modern psychology, tapping concentrates on specific meridian endpoints while focusing on negative emotions or physical sensations combined with our powerful spoken word, tapping helps calm the nervous system to restore balance of energy in the body and to rewire our brains to respond in healthy ways.
Tapping included with positive phrases can reduce the effects of a stressful day. With a tapping session, you can learn how to get to the core or root of the situation that is creating your problems. As you begin to tap through each tapping point in sequence you can begin to reduce and eliminate your stresses and anxiety, which are just a few of the amazing ways tapping can alleviate and remove unwanted behaviors from your life.
You can now begin to eliminate those limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs is a false belief about yourself or the world around us. Limiting beliefs are incorrect conclusions we have based on events or experiences we have had in the past.
Your may have a limiting belief based on a previous negative event or experience and due to this experience or event you feel this shall always be the result of future outcomes. This is simply untrue.
With tapping EFT, you can begin to create changes in your life. You can learn to let go of the past struggles that have you trapped in old beliefs. Release those fears and start TAPPING.
You may visit my website for additional information and a list of services I provide. Email me for available session times and dates.
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”~~~Thomas A. Edison
***As an Integrative Wellness Practitioner, I am trained and certified in many modalities for healing of the mind, body, and spirit. This is not a substitute for any medical treatment or medical diagnosis.
***This is an alternative approach to aid in the wellness of an individual. As a Wellness Practitioner I will not negate the medical treatment or any diagnosis of your medical or psychiatric treatment or prescribed medication.
Staying positive is a mindset we all try to strive for. Everyday we encounter many situations that challenge our ability to keep ourselves in the best positive and healthy frame of mind.
On a daily basis even in a moment to moment basis we encounter those who bleed negativity. These folks can be our family, our neighbors, and our co-workers. They can be called energy vampires for they can suck out of us our positive life energy. As a result, it can tempt us to take on a negative attitude.
As challenging as it is to stay positive around negative people, we can look at some helpful tools to maintain our positive energy and mental health.
Regardless of what others do or say, we focus on ourselves, you can control your own attitude by asking yourself the following questions of yourself.
How am I reacting to this situation? How can I make that reaction more positive? We can’t control how others act but we can control what we focus on, how we act and how we react.
Reverse your reaction. Another way to deal with difficult people is to reverse our reaction. When they begin to yell, argue, being passive aggressive using negative language, we try acting the opposite by staying calm and not feed that negative energy.
Don’t take it personally. Their negative attitude isn’t completely about you. Most of the time its what is going on in their life. They may be dealing with a lot of stress. it’s difficult to know what someone else is going through. Not taking it personally makes it easier to deal with.
Staying in the moment. When we focus on the now (not what could happen or would happen), but now. It’s difficult to feel negative. Most of our negative thoughts are associated with worrying about what could happen or being overly preoccupied, worrying about what has happened.
The biggest and most important step we can take is to be positive and free of negativity and to be grateful.
Practicing gratitude when dealing with another person’s negative emotions is to maintain a habit of being grateful for the positive experiences in your life.
Staying positive around negative people is always challenging but make sure you review the 5 steps regardless of what is happening around you. You always have options and choices in how you behave and whether or not accept negativity in your life.
There are always those people we encounter who start drama, bicker about everything or anything they think they are right about. They compare themselves to others. See their glass as half empty and are envious of the positive people they encounter that they think have it together.
I know sometimes most of us, as positive as we try to be, can fall into moments of being negative. The key is not to stay down in it. It’s important to carry a positive attitude and practice gratitude from the mistakes we may make.
For the most part, we can choose our friends, but we can’t choose our co-workers or our family members to spend time with. It’s inevitable that we encounter negative people throughout our day, even the media and social media sites are filled with negative influences. It’s up to us to not take it on as our feeling, but to acknowledge it, and let go of it. We can diffuse a frustrating situation with finding humor in the situation.
We put it all into perspective by a quote by Abraham Lincoln,
“We can complain because the rose bush has thorns or rejoice because the thorn bush has roses.”
Forgiveness Is Loving Yourself
Psychologists define “forgiveness” as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
So just because you forgive doesn’t indicate you forget what it is, they have done. Just because you forgive, doesn’t mean denying the seriousness of the offenses that were done against you. Also, just because you forgive doesn’t imply you return to the relationship.
Codependent relationships are not healthy for you and the other person who has the problem you are trying so desperately to fix. Alcoholism, emotional abuse, drug addiction, compulsive disorders, for many of us it's not about forgetting it's about forgiving.
When we forgive a person, we also forgive ourselves. This brings us peace of mind and frees us from holding grudges and resentment which only further hurts us. Forgiving allows us to move forward and leave behind the anger and resentment of a destructive relationship.
By letting go it allows you to feel empowered and to release negative emotions that are attached to that previous relationship. We can no longer allow those feelings to define us. With forgiveness it allows us to heal and to begin to love ourselves. We must stop beating ourselves up wondering if I only had done this or that for this person maybe then they would stop.
Never allow someone to say to you, “to just forgive and forget,” because it feeds our denial system. We should think about it, remember it and understand and make healthy decisions about what we are forgiving. I am not implying that we hold on to those hurtful feelings and hold grudges. That only delays our recovery to forgiveness.
Don’t you feel like you have been hurt enough?
Forgiveness is about letting go and moving forward, loving ourselves, and to heal so that we can love again in a healthy mutually respectful relationship.
Forgiveness takes time and it evolves and grows as we forgive those who hurt us and forgive ourselves for lingering in the codependent relationship. It’s time to build our self-esteem and self-love. Working on forgiveness and making good decisions and seek healthy independent relations.
When I think about Forgiveness a song comes to my mind by Don Henley. It says in a beautiful way how we can become codependent and losing ourselves and then learning to Forgive. Here are the lyrics below follow the link. Enjoy as you learn to Forgive yourself and others. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZjxbqO4WLc
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Are You Ready To Manifest All That You Want?
Have you ever wondered what all this manifesting talk is about? Have you ever wondered why the same negative stuff keeps happening to you? Do you want to attract happiness? What about money and abundance in your life? What about love, have you asked yourself why do I continue to have the same bad relationships? Are you ready to find out?
I will take you on a journey into the Laws of the Universe. The journey into the Laws of Attraction. Did you know that your own negative self-talk is the reason the same bad and negative stuff happens continuously? Are you ready to change the patterns of self-doubt and defeating thoughts that lead to negative blocks in your life?
How many of you have been blocked from making your dreams happen? Your thoughts have a frequency, and that frequency is made up of things and matter. These things have energy, just like your body has energy. Everything in the universe is made up of matter, you and I plants animals and anything that lives, which contain atoms and that have positive and negatively charged protons and electrons.
All of this has a frequency. What frequency are you projecting into the universe? Patterns create your reality. What is your reality? What are your patterns and is it negative or positive?
Let’s look how to change those negative thoughts. Look at your life each day. What are you grateful for? Or have you even tried to find something to be grateful for? When you find things to be grateful for more things to be grateful for can come into your life. Gratitude is one of the strongest and most transformative states of being. It shifts your perspective from lack to abundance and allows you to focus on the good in your life. Which in turn pulls more goodness into your reality. Does this makes sense so far?
Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute of every day with love, grace, and gratitude. When you say “I can’t or this always happens to me” you are reinforcing those negative beliefs that deep down you want to get rid of.
It’s time to re-frame and delete those patterns of fearful worry, self-doubt, guilt and shame. When you are open to receive all that is good with a grateful heart simultaneously the energy expands. In Quantum Physics our thoughts have energy and like the waves of energy it expands. That which you focus on most expands bigger and bigger. Do you understand? Does this make sense to you? We must learn to be grateful for what we have. I encourage you to look at your life and it’s easy to find that which you dislike, but equally you can find what you have that is positive.
Instead of saying I will never get out of debt, you just placed an order for more debt in your life to come in. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. This is the Law of the Universes. The Universe, God, the Divine Spirit what ever you choose to call it, Focuses On Where Your Interests Are.
Energy Goes Where Attention Flows. It’s time to change your thoughts into positive grateful energy filled words of gratefulness. Seriously. Our mind is a powerful thing, and Thoughts Become Word and Words Become Things. Instead of focusing on what you do not want, focus on what you want.
If you want to get out of debt, try saying and thinking because thoughts become things, “I have financial freedom” and say with emotion, say it as though you already have it. Our words carry emotions and feelings for out of the heart the mouth speaks. What is in your heart? As beings made up of energy, so are our words. As we speak our words, we attach emotions to them.
Those words go out into the universe and those words are heard and it’s a ripple effect and that emotion attached to them come back to use with intense energy of like. That’s why it is magnified. The Kingdom of heaven is within us, we chose by our actions, our lives and what we receive.
There are 3 phrases that may sound familiar to you that you may say, “I hope” which says to the Universe/God/Spirit I don’ have and it creates doubt. “I hope” implies that it can’t happen. It’s what you believe. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “Shallow people believe in luck and real truth seekers believe in law of the universe.” Remember Like Attracts Like.” Dis-empowerment come from a place of lack and scarcity. Replace this thought with “I will have….” Change the energy, you must feel it.
The next phrase is “I need” I really need this or that implies that you do not have. Change the frequency, don’t worry about how just know that it’s already coming. It happens as it should happen open your eyes to the possibilities. There is not limitations. There is enough for everyone, money is printed every day and it circulates. Stop living in lack and stop focusing on that which you do not have. Don’t become a repellent to what you want. Remember you can always tell what you’re attracting into our life based on your energy. Erase “I need” with “I am.”
The next phase is “ I can’t” have this or that. Instead say “I can” have this or that.
Your subconscious mind says I can’t means, I am not good enough. Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and not real. Your telling your subconscious mind what your reality is it then creates it for you. Visualize what you want, see it, feel the emotion attached to it. Instead of “I can’t” say “I can!” Your words are molding and shaping your life. Thoughts become words, Words become Things. You either “Can’ or “Can’t” the universe/God/Spirit doesn’t know the difference. Live by faith and not by sight. Feel it as if it is happening.
After you receive be GRATEFUL. Being grateful brings more of the same into our lives. Everything happens in divine order. “No Limitations!” Follow with “Action” we have to take action, go out and do what it is you want to manifest into your life. Prepare to have, stick your neck out to risk to love even it is uncomfortable. Don’t ask “how” or “when” just know It Is Already Happening. Stay out of your head that creates obstacles which is what you do not want.
One final thought I share with you, I know the Law of Attraction is real and all you desire can happen by manifesting it. I had been single for many years and I didn’t bring the right relationships into my life because of my thoughts and actions. I tell you to be “detailed and specific in what you want.” I made a list in detail of what I wanted in a relationship (not what I did not want). I prayed over that list and I burned it and cast it into the universe.
I let the universe/God work. The “Action” I took was to remove and make room in my home for it to happen. Cleaned out closets, gave away and threw away stuff. I was grateful each day for that which I knew was on its way. And then it happened, this amazing person who had all the qualities on my list came into my life.
My point is that you can create all you desire by Words, Thoughts, and Actions. If you want to have more money or have financial freedom change your thoughts Don’t say “ I want to get out of DEBT” for that is what you bring more of is “DEBT.” Say instead “I have Financial Freedom.” “I have Loving Relationships,” not “I Will NEVER HAVE” for that is what you will “RECEIVE.”
Place the order into the Universe/God/Spirit what ever you call the energy. “THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND ACTIONS” Everything is in the present. Let go and Release. What can I give, How can I serve? Create a visual, imagine it, feel it and then act on it.
I can show you how to manifest abundance in your life. I will assist you in the process and give you the tools to change those thoughts in to positive words that will create positive things. Energy Goes Where Attention Flows. I will help you create a different mind set that will bring in to your life abundance. Email me to schedule your free discovery call. Manifest all you want in your life NOW.
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Balancing Chakras with doTERRA Essential Oils
Chakras are the energy centres where energy flows through our body, so if you are feeling sluggish either physically, emotionally or spiritually then you may need to balance your chakras.
Why doTERRA essential oils for balancing chakras?
They are the most pure and potent oils on the planet! doTERRA sources all their plants, trees and herbs from the place of origin from pre-existing farms which is great for local farmers, this ensures the oils potency. doTERRA also run the oils through various test, some of them independent, the care taken in this process ensures the oils are free from fillers, pesticides or any harmful toxins and this is what makes the oils so pure.
Why balance your chakras? When energy flows freely and is positively affecting us everything is easier. As doTERRA’s Dr Hill suggests, pathogens have a low vibrating frequency and a negative mental state can lower a persons frequency also. So, when you use essential oils, you have the highest vibrational frequency of any measured natural substance on your side, to help restore balance.
🔻CHAKRA / LOCATION / PURPOSE / ESSENTIAL OILS
❤️ 1st Root / Base of spine, soles of feet / Survival, security, stability / Balance
🔶 2nd Sacral / Slightly below navel / Creativity, soul fire, sexuality / Wild Orange, Invigorating Blend, Cinnamon, Cleansing Blend
💛 3rd Solar Plexus / Slightly above navel / Self esteem, process daily events / Digestive Blend, Bergamot, Wintergreen
💚 4th Heart / Chest area/heart / Love joy inner peace / Breathe, Geranium, Melaleuca
💙 5th Throat / Center of throat area / Communication, speaking truth, holding secrets, feeling heard / Women’s Blend, Lavender, Oregano
💜 6th Third Eye / Between brows /Intuition, make decisions, imagination / Calming Blend, Clary Sage, Repellent Blend
⚪️ 7th Crown / Top, center of head /Connection to spirituality/higher self, life purpose / Frankincense, Joyful blend, Rosemary
Staring from the root chakra and moving through the chakras one by one, place a drop on the chakra either directly or with your finger tip and rub in a clock wise direction.
Cup your hands over your face when you have finished and inhale deeply a couple of times. Then close your eyes and sit quietly for a moment while you repeat a mantra to yourself…maybe something you would like to manifest in your life.
If you would like a Reiki Balancing session or want the oils inbox me. Or go to the website
Keeping a journal can be useful for many different reasons, including as a life coaching exercise. Daily journaling facilitates reflection and can spark useful brainstorming about how to better strive toward your goals. As a Life Coach I encourage you to journal thoughts, feelings, and success. Here are some acronyms to help you. (idea edited from Coach Federation 2013).
Happy Journaling Everyone.
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TOP 10 BENEFITS OF HYPNOTHERAPY
Can hypnosis really help me?
What are the benefits of going to a hypnotherapist?
These are the most common questions asked when people consider going to see a hypnotherapist. Some people are understandably a little apprehensive about considering hypnotherapy as a treatment, usually because of misconceptions by what they have seen on the television or in films. But when you think about the benefits that can come from Hypnosis you’ll see it’s really worth it:
1. Hypnosis can treat addictions – It doesn’t matter what you’re addicted to hypnosis can help you kick the addiction of food, alcohol, drugs, smoking and many other addictions. Hypnosis helps to rid your body of physical addictions to whatever you are addicted to.
2. Hypnosis can help you lose weight and keep it off – Hypnotherapy has been proven to be 30% more effective than just dieting when it comes to weight loss. Medical professionals speculate that Hypnosis helps people who are hanging onto the extra weight for psychological reasons or people that overeat for psychological reasons.
3. Hypnosis can help manage chronic pain – If you have a disease that leaves you in frequent pain like Fibromyalgia, Arthritis or Migraines then you already know that sometimes it feels like nothing will stop the pain. When drugs and diet don’t help you can manage your pain using self-Hypnosis. In many different scientific studies Hypnosis has been proven to be an effective pain management technique
4. Hypnosis can help reduce stress – Stress can cause serious illness in people like heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, and sleep disorders. If you have a lot of stress in your life and you feel like you can’t get it under control by using diet and exercise then it’s time to think about Hypnosis.
5. Hypnosis can help deal with childhood issues – From serious abuse or other problems in the home to lack of self esteem or a need to be successful at all costs the issues and problems that you experienced as a child might still be impacting you today and causing you to make bad decisions or to not take very good care of yourself. Hypnosis is a great way to work through childhood issues and replace those negative messages about yourself with positive ones.
6. Hypnosis can cure sleep disorders – Millions of people suffer from sleep disorders that range from full insomnia to night terrors, wakeful sleep, sleepwalking, and the inability to fall into REM sleep which your body needs. Many sleep disorders have an associated psychological condition that makes it necessary for people to get both psychological and physical treatment in order to be able to get some sleep. Hypnosis can help treat the psychological problem that is causing the sleep disturbance while at the same time it puts the body in a deeply relaxed state that helps the body and mind become rejuvenated.
7. Hypnosis can promote deep relaxation – If you have ever tried meditation you know already the great things that relaxation does for the mind and body. You can become more creative, better at problem solving, less irritable, and you can reduce your risk of health problems like heart disease or high blood pressure significantly if you meditate or relax regularly. But if you have trouble relaxing, or if you never seem to be able to relax deeply enough to really feel refreshed, then you should try Hypnosis. Hypnosis is a wonderful way to experience truly deep relaxation that will make you feel much healthier.
8. Hypnosis can help you change your behavior – Are you the kind of person that is always snapping at others? Do you get irritated and angry often? Do you have trouble managing your anger? Hypnosis can help you change your behavior patterns so that you can be healthier and happier. Often behavioral patterns are learned in childhood, but a hypnotic suggestion given while you’re in a deep hypnotic state can help you get rid of those old messages telling you to behave in certain ways and replace the with messages to act in new, more appropriate ways.
9. Hypnosis can help recover buried memories – All of the experiences that you’ve had throughout your life are buried in your brain somewhere. Typically this is used to help people that were abused as children understand their behavioral patterns but there can also be happy memories that you have forgotten as a result of an injury or accident that can be recovered with Hypnosis.
10. Hypnosis can help treat Anxiety and Depression – Many people are reluctant to take medication to treat Anxiety and Depression because they don’t want to become dependent on medication. Other people just can’t seem to find a medication that works for them. Hypnosis is a drug free and very effective way to calm Anxiety and to treat the symptoms of depression. By using hypnotic suggestions to eliminate the triggers of Anxiety and Depression people that suffer from Depression and Anxiety can sometimes find 100% relief from those conditions by using Hypnosis.
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What’s Up With That?
Have you ever asked your self why does my past experiences keep replaying in my present life? As we grow as people we also change and evolve.
Those mistakes, behaviors, and actions we have said or done seem to find a way to the now. It doesn’t have to affect who we are now. People talk and rehash our past as though it's who we are, and it causes others to believe that we are that same person.
People hold grudges and can’t seem to forgive as they would want to be forgiven themselves. I know this can get us down and cause negative thinking in our minds.
The truth is, we can’t control what others say or do. We can control only ourselves and be a better person than we were. What we have to remember is that we are not that same person from our past.
As we grow and learn life’s lessons it creates in us changes, these changes we create in our lives. We desire and want others to like us. However, we only can do so much, and we can’t change that thought process that others may have of us.
Creating and reinventing ourselves through self-love and self-actualization becomes our truth and our focus. To be a better person and learn from those mistakes from the past.
Look to the present and the future with fresh new eyes and the confidence that you are a different person. A person who wants to create a purposeful life.
Surround yourself with positive people. Surround yourself with an environment that brings you happiness and fulfillment with the knowing of positive outcomes and positive energy.
Be grateful and thankful for the growth changes your making in your life each day. You are worthy of all the wonderful goodness life has to offer. Make new friends build those relationships that will bring joy, happiness, and growth.
Most of all, we should forgive ourselves. Holding on to anything negative doesn’t serve our higher good only affects us negatively. Regardless of what others may think about our past mistakes, it is after all the past and we all learn, grow, and evolve into the better version of ourselves. So, go out there with a fresh new perspective of what you want to create in your life.
With Life Coaching I can give you the tools you need for a more fulfilling life. Together we can create goals that will create positive changes in your life.
I’m here for you and I can help you with the changes you want to make in your life. Create that positive lifestyle. Set goals for a better future that will bring you happiness and joy. Begin your journey now to self-discovery and renewal.
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Are you a people pleaser?
Are you a people pleaser and have impulsiveness to please others? This feeling gives you a temporary sense of acceptance. When the other person’s needs in your life, are no longer needed or wanted you may feel let down and confused. It’s important for you to have activities and other ways to create a place of empowering yourself.
This will help your self-esteem and empower you. Remember to step back from situations when it comes to fulfilling other people’s needs. Keep the focus on you. It’s okay to continue to say No.
Here we will look at the 7 signs you may be a people pleaser. I understand how you may feel. I have been where you are. I work on myself daily and I still look into myself and ask myself do I want to do this or do I really want to say no. It’s a practice that over time becomes easier.
I was already doing too much for others, during our monthly sales meeting I would offer to always bring something. Even maybe when I didn’t want to, I would anyway.
Then I would beat myself up in private for committing to yet another thing I didn’t have time for.
I didn’t realize what it was costing me at the time, but my codependency and people-pleasing ways were wreaking havoc on ALL areas of my life.
And here’s the interesting thing… in my 20 years of facilitating others, I find that almost everyone is doing this to some degree, but almost no one realizes it… and it’s costing us more than we realize.
So I ask you, what is “codependency”, and how do you know if you’re living with it?
First of all, please know that codependency is on a spectrum. We can all have codependent patterns that flare up from time to time, but for some of us, it’s ruling our life and we may not even know it. For some of us me included have a difficult saying no, being honest with ourselves.I work with many accomplished, highly intelligent, and spiritually evolved people that are shocked when they see how much codependency is running their life, and how deep it can go.
In a nutshell, codependency is the need to be needed by others. Not “like” to be needed by others… but the “need” to be needed by others.
It’s a type of unhealthy relationship that was originally thought to only involve families of substance abuse (alcohol, drugs etc.) but it can actually affect any kind of relationship… coworkers… neighbors… romantic relationships… really, any interaction with another human being. I found myself pushing people away and not knowing it because I would behave in ways to gain acceptance.
It’s characterized by sacrificing one’s personal needs in order to try to meet the needs of others… but this can show up in many forms and can unknowingly sneak into every area of our life.
Now of course… codependency is on many levels. We can all have codependent patterns that come up from time to time. But if you find yourself often living in the patterns below, your codependency is probably costing you more than you know.
Let’s look at some of the peoples pleasing signs.
1. Hard Time Saying “No”: It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes you anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone and go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
2. Avoiding Tough Conversations: Waiting to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone that turns into days, weeks, months, or even years. You don’t want to hurt their feelings or upset them, and yet there never seems to be the “right time” to bring things up. You sweep your true feelings under the rug, then rationalize and justify why not to speak up, so as not to rock the boat.
3. Squishy Boundaries: You make rules or guidelines for yourself and interactions with others but can’t seem to stick to them or enforce them.
4. Reactivity & Defensiveness: A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary between you and them. With a healthy boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you, so you wouldn’t feel threatened by disagreements.
5. Control Issues: Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes you have an addiction that either helps you loosen up, like alcohol, or helps you bury your feelings, like being a workaholic or being OCD, so that you don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. Even people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate others.
6. Empathic to a Fault: Being able to sense the needs and feelings of others is a gift, but codependents are often experts at feeling what others need or feel but can’t always access or hear their own needs or truth. Many of us successfully navigated the tumultuous currents and storms of our childhood by learning and using the ability to read another person’s feeling and needs. By tuning into other’s feelings and needs, we could hopefully avoid the potential emotional landmines around us. However, as we became an expert at reading and sensing others, we often lost our own connection to what we were needing or feeling, so this aspect of ourselves became underdeveloped.
7. Your Self-Care Slips: You may not be taking the time to exercise or feed your body what it needs, or even getting enough sleep because you’re so busy with obligations to others. Codependents can even become workaholics who don’t take adequate breaks at work or allow their body the rest it needs to recuperate.
Having a hard time saying NO? Codependency can cause us to sabotage ourselves from reaching our true potential of our true self. If we continue in this path in this life then we will have challenges reaching our full purpose in life. We will get stuck in old patterns of self-sabotage. We need o hear our own voice, and our needs. The courage to speak up, say our own truth with confidence. To set boundaries which is very important. Or we will continue to remain stuck in patterns of self-sabotage.
Let’s begin to reclaim our power. Let’s begin a new path, develop new patterns. Place ourselves first in our lives and consider what is for our higher good instead of the good of others.
How you ask? Let’s look at a few ways you can stop pleasing other people and feel safe about doing it. To be confident and self-assured.
1. You can sometimes please someone, but not always. Realize that it's like the old saying that you can please some of the people some of the time, most of the people most of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. Given that you cannot please everyone all of the time, you're bound to face the reality of disappointing another person, even if you're doing everything possible to please them.
2. Someone who is pleased with you at one time may not be pleased with you at another time. Because another person's approval of you can be fickle and impermanent, it is not a sturdy place to harness your sense of self.
3. Even if someone is pleased with you due to your current pleasing behaviors, this doesn't mean that the behavior you’re doing now is what is what's ultimately best for YOU. Sometimes what feels good in the short-term (social approval) may compromise your long-term best interests.
4. Self-direction needs time and space to grow. If you spend your efforts attempting to win and keep the love of another, you're probably not spending sufficient time developing yourself. Work on tuning into your inner compass and growing your ability to make your own decisions.
5. Face the truth about the present state of your relationship. Ask yourself, "What will happen when I inevitably displease this person?" If you guess that the person will probably punish you in some fashion (rejection, humiliation, or worse), and if you realize that your behavior centers around heroic attempts to avoid this reaction, then ask, “Is what I’m gaining short-term from this relationship as important and valuable to me as what I’m losing long-term?”
Self-direction comes from work and practice of an independent mindset and self-sufficiency. Although relationships can be fun and fulfilling, if your efforts are strictly attempting to avoid your own self-happiness, you’ll panic yourself over autonomy, instead of rejoicing in your freedom.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t this every person’s (your recovering) people pleasing dream?
New Year's resolutions can be wonderful. It helps us to define our goals and set those goals into action. However sometimes even though our intentions are well meant, we sometimes need a little extra encouragement. Maybe try another approach. Have you thought about hypnosis?
With hypnosis we can open up that part of our mind, the subconscious mind to create the outcomes we desire. Our conscious mind the part of our mind that talks us into thinking that it doesn't matter if we don't succeed, we can try again later. Or maybe its saying we aren't strong enough to succeed.
Whatever that voice is saying just know there are positive options. I invite you, and encourage you to try hypnotherapy as a solution to what your heart desires in your life for the New Year and even now....get started creating those goals and create action changes to fulfill those desires.
I am a Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Life Coach and Certified Reiki Master/teacher. Inbox me and let's get started creating goals that Will create changes in your life.